AH first post-HSC day. Not particularly exciting at all. I woke up at 7:30 after passing out on my book around 11pm and I don't think I've slept that early in weeks.

Spent majority of the day reading and to start off the next few months with something light, went for Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf, not that it's actually anything to do with Woolf. Not ready for that yet, need a longer break from her. Pretty intense and it confused me so much I basically had to reread it to try and figure out what just happened.

My room remains a mess; I can't bring myself to clean up all my sheets, it just feels too sad okay WHY IS POST HSC SAD THIS SUCKS. Can't believe I'm signing out tomorrow. But it doesn't feel any better prolonging it so guh just get it done and spend the next month and a half completely weaning off post-high-school depression before returning for ATAR morning tea.

Finally bought myself a sharpie and labeled the dates on all my polaroids. It probably ruined them but I'd prefer to remember inconsequential details like dates.

Can't believe October is ending. 2013 just flew by. Thing were so different ten months ago, can't wrap my head around it.

Done. Surreal, bittersweet, anticlimactic. But high school is officially over and chem severed the last ties I held to Hornsby. So I'm pretty sad right now lol.

Hm, the last night of study was awful, shipwrecks was so disastrous so just called it a night at 1am and didn't think about it anymore.

MORNING WAS DELIRIOUS HAHA was actually just non-stop laughing because of how little I knew and just how little I was caring. In all honesty, it wasn't a bad exam. Compared to past papers, no complaints at all. No batteries and no shipwreck case studies and just, not many calculations. Though the molar heat fucked me over. Thank the lord for the long responses HAHA that's what I'm depending on for marks. Idk, maybe I can scrap a band 4.

More joy would've overwhelmed me once I heard 'pens down' for the last time except I was done in like the last twenty minutes and just sat there blankly for the last five because I wasn't bothered to double check, so it wasn't as exciting as it could've been to end but omg so agitated, just wanted to leave the hall and run. Now that was a joyful moment.

I also finally disposed of my matrix books and some other chem books to the now-Year 12s, thank god, I never want to see them again I WILL NEVER MISS CHEMISTRY EVER EVER EVER. Then we found Motherwell and scared the Jesus out of her HAHA she screamed so loud when Anika jumped at her. She's retiring after these Year 12s finish :( Thank god she waited for us to be done, I would've killed myself if she left.

The excitement wore off pretty quickly, maybe within an hour. Took some ugly polaroids with Anika and Christine and just lounged outside the cottage chatting. Then we chilled in OB for a while eating waffles.

I'm so reluctant to take my uniform off. Never wearing it again, this is so sad, I love the uniform.

Sigh, coming back Friday to return books and sign out. This is just... I'm still too damn sentimental.

Wow post HSC is boring already, I have no idea what to do. If I touch a book tonight, I'm going to pass out immediately which is too early. I don't think I'll be indulging in sleep, feels too much like a waste of time. Gotta make the most of out each day, even if it's just being conscious for as much of it as possible.

On an aside, Happy Birthday Tanya, if you read this, and if you do, I hope you are incredibly hungover (I hope  you got incredibly drunk).

Last night of cramming. Cannot wait, this needs to end, just make it stop.

Extension was a disaster. All the previous HSC simply asked about active relationship composer reader shit WHAT THE FUCK IS CHANGE OMG who cares if you can twist it to authorship, why the hell are all our papers so damn fucked up. And then the creative. Lol, had an hour and still wrote only 2 booklets plus page of third, which is a whole booklet shorter than the essay, which means its incredibly short of the required word length.

Did nothing as it rained all afternoon and evening except YouTube because I can't stop watching and rewatching Zendaya and Val on DWTS looool he's so hot and their dancing makes me feel happy. Shipping them so hard.

Finally finished goddamn monitoring and management which took a good three hours. Now shower off the egg on my face and in my hair and devote mind to shipwrecks and give up at 4am. So over this, what is even the point? No hope, but I don't care because tomorrow means it's all over. It's so close.

Last post as a student. Might start crying tears of relief and devastation and joy but mostly relief. TOODLES.

SIGH English might as well not be tomorrow because my mind is filled with terror for chem. Revised acidic and finished production today which are the good topics unfortunately. The other two... Well, not going to sleep much on my last night of secondary education cramming.

With my stroke of luck, slept funny on my pillow yesterday and my neck as been aching all day, can barely tilt my head down which will be convenient in exams.

Somehow, extension isn't stressing me out. Maybe because I'm guaranteed to know half the essay because we've written that same part about Orlando thrice now and it just automatically sticks. Little more concerned about my Calvino quotes and all, and then getting confused to which point affects the readers, because it sounds great if you repeated impassion/challenge/pleasure the reader. Oh and the creative, yep. Winging (Y)

Weather forecast is not particularly great this week. Still remember the hideous weather before we had to write the essay for Mod B and C before trials. That was a great day.

Heh failing chem UTTERLY. Made the decision, not sure if good or bad, to finally flip through a few past papers and wow, wasn't able to answer pretty much all the paper save maybe 30 marks or something. This is literally going to be the most epic fail of my short life. Praying for all of English to scale well and counteract the other hideous six units so I can manage a 90+ hopefully...

Done in a bit over sixty hours.

Not bothered not bothered not bothered. Going to regret this a whole lot but hope has evaporated for chem and idk can't study extension by memorising quotes like advanced, it needs to be based on the dynamic and everything to support it and ugh, guess I'm just going to have to resort to memorising an essay, great.

Mr and Mrs Smith is on so probably going to watch that.

A fortnight of HSC has finally passed, and it took long enough.

Sigh, slept at 2am last night because eco was scaring me so much, THE CONTENT IS JUST UNBEARABLE. And that's just theory, stats... could not even.

It was super cold this morning, and everyone at school was decked out in pink for Pink Ribbon day. Seriously, I haven't seen that much pink in all the times we've had that mufti cause. Marshall was wearing a hot pink sweater, it was adorable.

Ugh exam wasn't terrible but it was not good at all and I swear, the 2013 papers are all just fucking weird! We barely saw any of these questions in previous papers and UM NO GLOBALISATION OR MICRO OR LABOUR? I literally wasted my last day studying those three topics (to no avail) but omfg so furious. Long responses were terrible, not even sure how many stats I made up and wtf all these tables in the multiple choice threw me off.

Fuck the exam, walked out to such a sunny afternoon and it was Friday and I was just too happy to be done with seven units. Then Anika and I visited Hindy and yeah it was nice. Lunchtime made me so happy because everyone was so pink!

Anyway, been chilling for hours since I got home on Youtube, and I finally finished House of Hades which was meh. Not sure what to expect for the last book besides a happy ending where the two camps somehow join together and probably all move to Camp Half Blood.

My Big Fat Greek Wedding is on which means I'm probably not going to study tonight, except maybe read my ext essay a few times before sleep. I need to find out whether Windex really has any healing properties LOL. Love this film so much. Actually it ends soon so maybe I have no excuse not to study. Three days is nothing, should have utilised this afternoon but rest was really needed after three days of hardcore eco, which amounted to little in the end.

Time to blog about how screwed I am. Despite how screwed I am, I am also proud to say I've never studied so diligently for days in a row for a subject. It just felt satisfying sitting there doing paper after paper. Think I did more past papers for eco than maths. Unfortunately I still need to learn two topics so uh yeah.

Otherwise I had my first driving lesson today from my mum for no reason except to give myself a break from eco LOL. It was terrifying okay, I don't have a feel for steering. Did three point turns better than a basic right/left. I freaked out when I approached a left turn and a car was turning right so I turned too soon and scraped off a bit of the tyre surface oops. Must commend my mum for not having a heart attack.

The end is so near and it's coming so slowly and so quickly.

I think eco will be the only thing I will continue to revisit, because the information will obviously be more applicable as we get older and take more responsibilities. I will never dispose of these precious resources. On the other hand, organised to sell my chem stuff to a couple Year 12s and I can't fucking wait to never see them ever a-fuckin-gain.

Anyway, burning Dunn's eco candle for the last time. So ready.

Brain feels heavy from all the economics I'm unsuccessfully trying to fill it up with. Seriously so tired, and it's been a pretty efficient day. I got my first full marks in eco multiple choice EVER, THANK YOU CSSA 2010, was so fucking proud of myself. Doing the short answers have been helpful too, but you know, at lost for what to do about the essay. I just read my dollar one from trials and was surprised with all the information I once knew, because I definitely don't remember any of it now. So dead for Friday lol.

Today, I deserve a bath. Body is aching from the exercise I did after a fortnight of sitting on my ass and the poor posture studying inevitably provokes.

It's over so soon. Less than a week. HSC has only gone on for nine days, and it's felt like an age since we sat down to that first exam.

Done with maths foreverrrrrr, wow, after six long years... It all boiled down to a bullshit of a paper okay, that was so hideous. And we thought 2012 paper was bad. Nope, omg, it was just that the questions were so different in what they asked for and they way they asked it. Literally, if this was marked like a school exam, raw mark/percentage would be 60%, if I was lucky. SO BAD, skipped so many marks. Seriously when you struggle in the questions 11-13, that's not a good sign anyway.

But it's done, what can we do. Feeling a bit apprehensive about returning my maths textbooks. They filled up such a large space :( Despite the horror of exams, still retarded enough to be sentimental about this whole ordeal. But it's okay, I've always got Jess and Suk to share my feelings with without judgment.

Motherwell gave me good feedback for Calvino, so I guess those six hours were worth the effort. Worried about extension, so I think I'll end up preparing three essays and hope I don't have to use FLW because just, ugh no.

Did not use my day well. Sat around the food court with Christine after maths for nearly two hours, drowning our sorrows in prawn crackers and juice. Sigh, I forgot to get Grapevine, was too flustered after the exam to notice Marshall was handing them out but I will get it on Friday.

Mm, might do another eco paper and call it a night, and then get up early because might as well torture my body into a routine for the next three exams.

Well, maths might as well not even be tomorrow considering that I pretty much spent my entire day finishing two extension paragraphs which I can hopefully get feedback on tomorrow, but probably not. Sigh, started maths at 6pm and felt pretty disheartened. I literally could not do the last two questions at all, and the fucking answers took pages and pages in that tiny print, so um yeah there was just no point wasting all that paper.

Anyway, going to attempt 9-10 of 2012, which I've heard to be hideously difficult, before I sleep. Means I might get an early night if I end up giving up straight away, or maybe I'll just do the earlier questions to boost my self esteem.

Maths is the first subject that I'm completely done for.

Apparently Grapevine is back. Think the new Year 12s restarted it. Whoever did, commendations for their work ethic, our grade was obviously too lazy, as well as the grade above us I think. Haven't seen a Grapevine for a couple years. But they've printed out copies for us and we get them after maths :)

It's not really hitting me that with nine days left, I have four exams to squeeze in... Should start studying huh.

Happy Birthday Jess :) Can't wait to see you tomorrow!

Need a break from extension, which I'm neglecting maths and eco for because idk, Motherwell might just disapprove a litte bit that I'm doing this a week before the exam. Of course, it's always been like that so maybe it won't come as much of a surprise but I must send it to her today and hopefully be able to pick it up tomorrow after maths.

Heh, maths.

Wasted six hours on Saturday night because I made the foolish mistake of checking the TV guide and thus, wasting my time watching Tangled and hyperventilating during Dirty Dancing, which I will never get sick of at this rate. As long as you tolerate the hideous acting and character developing of the first half hour.

Yesterday, I did a couple of maths papers, one from back to front because without exam pressure, I can't bring myself to get through the last two questions, plus it was extra satisfying having a scientific notation question to finish it with. Contemplating that in the exam because honestly, getting through the last two is going to be impossible, I have not found a paper where I can do them lol. Attempted eco study as well by reading the sheets we got at the seminar and environment was okay but I literally just curled into a ball when I looked at micro. Absolutely doomed.

Last night, I did yoga for the first time in maybe half a year and it reminded me how much flexibility I lost :( Finished the disc sweating and dying but it felt amazing and I can't wait to get back into it.

Ugh otherwise, fifty words left to go for this paragraph which has no relevance to culture and values whatsoever. And then there's the related... I'll give up by lunch time and devote the rest of the day to maths, though honestly, I'm not sure how much more it can improve. I'm just praying there won't be a really bad geometry question, PLEASE.

Reading all these Calvino essays is just making less sense out of Traveler, especially when they try to explain the pronoun alternation guh. Wasted enough time baffling about those. Instead, just searching up Atwood book prices because I've decided I need to read every single one of her works. Ditto Alice Munro, I'm anticipating her Nobel Laureate speech because those speeches are always filled with timeless wisdom.

Otherwise, spent an hour reading old blog posts at the time of trials and assessment block before it. Amusing how nothing has changed. Still unprepared as ever, I just care a bit less this time because it's so close to being over. I do miss my 4u though HAHA who would've thought. Doubting I can wait till December 19 to read it again. That reminds me that I should also officially go RSVP for the ATAR morning tea since I forgot to do it on the proper date, but Sexton said it was cool when I asked before Paper 1 so (Y)

Going to try get one paragraph done today. Preferably related since that's the main worry right now, but yes, one paragraph. And maybe look over acidic. No idea if there's even a point writing out chem notes like Christine did, just as a way to study but the only subject I plan on burning is chem, so that might seem like a waste. I just don't want to sit there miserably holding back tears for three hours :( What a way to end high school.

Need to do my nails again. The ink all over my fourth finger... can't stand it, I really wonder why my hand ends up splattered in ink all the time.

Long day, unproductive day, the usual.

Guh woke up normal school time today. Not really sure how to survive the next four exams waking up this early, and the inevitable cramming probably won't allow much time for sleep. Just have to make sure that I'm rested for maths, god made so many careless mistakes in our third assessments because of that stupid chem assignment, giving me only three hours sleep.

Headed off to school. Hornsby was so smoky, no idea where the fire was but it was getting difficult to breathe with all these particulates in my throat. Lol literally stayed for fifteen minutes to print out a bunch of stuff before heading off to macq with Christine. Bumped into Choong who dropped chem. No words to describe my jealousy.

Well yeah, got introduced to the fucking lovely security at the library. Saw lots of people again. It'd felt like so long since we'd last seen everyone but it's only actually been two days... Now three but super weird how time is distorted. Maths papers are hard :( Plus Christine kept distracting me with eco questions which were also hard. Totally set for the upcoming week, even more so for the next. 9:30 to 9:30 is too much, was ready to pass out in Eric's car. Shower woke me up so I'm ready to fall asleep reading House of Hades hehe.

Can't really wrap my head around the fact that I'm done in twelve days. Maybe just the idea of four exams in twelve days is pretty bad. Should probably dedicate tomorrow to ext and chem, but mainly ext because despite guaranteed scaling, I don't think I can deal with winging a creative again LOL or writing the same goddamn essay a third time. It's completely lost its meaning, the only time I understand textual dynamics is when I'm forced to anaylse and memorising isn't analysis.

Sigh, forecast predicts Tuesday to be very warm. Haven't done an exam in the heat since School Cert, and that was very unpleasant.

Hm, relaxed. Just felt done after Paper 1, like nothing mattered after it. 

Done with advanced English foreverrrrrr. What a hideous way to end all that torment and work. All that amounting to two hours of absolute shit. All that conversation last night trying to enlighten ourselves and each other was completely futile. Why did I even study, NOTHING I COULD HAVE STUDIED COULD HAVE HELPED ME WITH THAT GODDAMN PAPER.

Got to school at the end of recess and found Jess and idk found Hindy and Motherwell and complained a little bit. Just had no will to study, was positively freaking out by the time lunch time rolled around and there was half an hour left.

Wow, thank god the supervisor made us flick through the paper to check things were correct. Prepared me for doom so we didn't get the brunt of the horror during reading time. HONESTLY? WHY. IT WAS SO. BAD. Idk why I did the paper in reverse order lol.


Mod C. One related. FUCKING BOARD OF STUDIES FUCKING CUNT FUCKS FUCK FUCK FUCK omg when I saw that, just laughed, and nearly started crying because I was feeling so internally hysterical. Belonging was okay to bs one related, NOT. MODULE. C. Plus, not to mention I barely had points for the second paragraph of the shit related, it barely related to fucking manipulation so that last paragraph just stands out for bad reasons.

Hamlet next was, mm. Hideous. Lost my Hamlet game. It only occurred to me halfway through my essay that time and place could have simply meant Shakespeare's context and how that informs the notion of corruption but how corruption is morally ambiguous and get into all the shit I know BUT NOPE did not occur. So I just made three shitty paragraphs on completely random scenes pointing out the time of day and setting lolololololol plus idk maybe two techniques in the whole thing and ten quotes IDK.

How dare they make Mod A easy, OUT OF ALL OF THEM? How fucking, how can I be doing the best in the one module that I truly hated and failed to comprehend. I left it till last lol, wasn't bothered, the last essay always requires the least energy for me cause I've usually given up by then.


Obviously, the BOS bitch Sandra was talking about set Paper Two. It was just cruel. There is so much hate in me, I can't get over it.

Oh but Lane did end up coming. Didn't get to talk to him though.

Ate dinner at Wild Caktus at penno with Sunhee and Christine. Pretty average food, ready to pop by the end, and I still feel pretty full six hours later.

HMM so was gonna maybe look over extension tonight, just so as to not lose the English mode but jokes, got into bed and I've been watching LBD for about five hours, and I'm up to the last ten episodes which I will enjoy in bed once I'm done on the internet. After the closure of episode 100, I will not watch it until HSC is done, and dedicate a whole day to everything P&P related onscreen. Except for Olivier's Darcy, that was hideous.

I guess with English out of the way, no excuse to not do well in everything else. Didn't really realise how much work English was until now I think about how much time was solely dedicated to it.

Hm. So day one of HSC.

It wasn't that bad.

Not to say it was any good.

Didn't sleep very early, as expected, and when I did crawl into bed at 1am, couldn't even sleep for an hour, was so restless and nervous guh. LOL morning was bad, could barely stomach my breakfast and I was just walking around Westfield with my mum, feeling like someone was tying my stomach in knots. This somehow made my mum so anxious she went and did some retail therapy for herself once I left her to go to school LOL.

Um, did little at school except make Anika panic and then read my quotes a few times before hitting what Varsha coined my 'saturation point'. Oh yeah, chem is going great too. Calmed down considerably as we milled around the cottage. Because trials were so horrific, this was relatively fine. God preparations made us almost twenty minutes late to start the paper.

Section 1 was bad, as usual. How dare they talk about feet, it was disgusting to read. KEY TO BELONGING? Guh. Skipped to essay which was a good question but come on, ONE RELATED? UGH yet they wanted us to find four throughout the whole fucking year, thanks a lot BOS. But yeah only left about 30 minutes for my creative which was shit, as expected, plus I didn't see the written part about embrace/reject others so that was shittily squeezed into the second half of my creative. Idk just so relieved it was done, except then collecting papers was so slow and inefficient, was ready to kill the supervisors. But I suppose there's no other way to do it TT

Feasted with my mum and sister on bagels and curly fries and waffles lol, still full to this hour. And got home, napped and probably didn't start studying till 7pm.

All I've done is start a useless (to me) discussion on fb about Mod A, which I still don't get so I've moved on. But then participated in another forum about Hamlet which made me feel better and just consolidate my adoration for it even more, but still not feeling good about the exam. They really could still ask us anything. And maybe it's time to move onto Mod C, the only thing I will be attempting to memorise. All I ask is that it's two related for Mod C, THAT IS ALL I ASK.

It makes me sad that this is the last time we can really cooperate as a grade, but gonna take as much advantage of it as I can.

Kinda sucks that two thirds of us won't actually be done with English tomorrow, but at least that's a majority compared to the minority of people celebrating the end of English. Gotta get my extension game going tomorrow, REFUSE TO FAIL.

So glad that Paper Two is in the arvo. Really needing the extra time now.

TIME TO PROCRASTINATE, because I haven't been doing that all day. Last blog post before HSC. Wow it's going to be weird when high school is no longer something I'm gonna complain about daily.

Hm so this morning, all I did was read and highlight belonging points over and over and over. Till I realised that my Dymocks Booklover deal to get like $40 worth of bonus points for each purchase this weekend ended today. So 1pm, boiling fucking hot and windy, just walked out and bought myself House of Hades LOL cannot even understand myself. However, it counted as my break and I was back within 40 minutes (Y)

Um I've done nothing. I mean, I read over Hamlet and Hughes once, attempted a paragraph of an impromptu creative and realised there's nothing I can do if I can't prep one or wing one. So I'll just hopefully ace that essay.

Decided that since my hands will be subject to torture over the next fortnight, I should treat them a bit LOL yep, making really good use of my last few hours.

Anyway, I will now attempt section 1, read some more and just give up. So ready for this.

So. Ready.

Blogging before study for another two hours. So tired of this, barely did anything today except read The Crucible AGAIN and fear that not much really stuck anyway. Not sure if it was a good idea to devote my whole day to belonging when the same needs to be done tomorrow... Trying to get one module out of the way now, namely Mod A, and then start and end tomorrow with belonging while cramming modules in the middle of the day idk.

It's still so close, WHERE IS THE PANIC? Panicking about no panic (Y)

I hope the weather isn't terrible on Monday. Planning to come normal time, or as close to normal time as possible, and maybe just lie on the oval and not study. Or read The Crucible and then accept my fate.

Gonna watch LBD as Mod A study.

Sleep deprivation finally took its toll. Slept from 7:30 last night to 8:30 this morning, it was pretty good, especially after a rather unproductive day at school. Except that did mean I had to forgo blogging about it so here we go.

Friday:

Somehow forced myself up at normal school waking time and made all the normal modes of transport. I finished reading Letters to Alice during roll call in the library, could have cried with relief. Though when I was pacing to stay awake in order to read, it wasn't that hideous. I could study it alone, since I agree with everything Weldon annoyingly says. But Mod A still fucking sucks.

Yay Lily came again so I didn't feel out of place. And then Christine and Abi. Finally finished/gave up on my Mod A and C notes and just printed everything out because there wasn't much left to do by that point. Just study what I've got. All these Year 11/12s studying in the library last period... why, don't they realise the freedom that they have at this point sob.

Christine and I ran into Mr Lane! Had to take a double take when we saw a tall guy in a buttoned up shirt. So handsome. Apparently he had a free last and decided to come here to take advantage of some printing facilities or something idek, figured Turramurra would provide free printing for the teachers but okay, our school is better anyway.

Lunch and then headed off to Hornsby library in the horrible individual seating area bleh, and I attempted one Paper 1 and just gave up and read P&P. Can't work anywhere, just going to stay home. Maybe I'll library after English and beg for help for maths and chem. Literally going to fail chem. What a way to farewell thirteen years of education with that final exam. I guess it's good thinking about how little HSC amounts to, otherwise I would feel bad about how little I care. Trials were so much worse, that was so stressful. Maybe I'll change my mind tomorrow.

Just really looking forward to seeing everyone again lol.

Week is ending, HSC approaching, still not caring enough. Finally gave in to Youtube and spent two hours watching into the morning before I slept at 3am.

It was so warm today, ugh, loved it. Poor school kids lol. Just paced around the apartment reading LTA and I'm actually past halfway... so going to finish that tonight and just add on to my quotes because I really don't know how else to prepare so just gonna impromptu that essay.

My polaroid came today, yay, and 100 film :)

Gotta replace the batteries in my calculator before maths because um, end of the world if it dies and we're not allowed to borrow.

Nothing else happened besides procrastinating by reading old blog posts from this time last year (I blame you, Jess). The last post of September 2012, I called small hours... still can't listen to Little Wonders. Not yet, I'll start bawling otherwise.

Back to school tomorrow.

Wednesday is here again. It always comes so fast.

The intention today was to finish Mod C, in the hideous case that we're asked to analyse with ONLY ONE related text and this stupid goddamn short story is making me so angry because the end is so cryptic and open to interpretation I DON'T HAVE TIME TO MAKE SENSE OF THIS SHIT. Had to drag Jess into my fit about it which led onto Mod A which I am content to fail because my understanding disagrees with everything we've been taught so who fucking cares. Memorising an essay and spewing it out whether it fits the fucking question or not.

Otherwise, the day was uneventful except that I found a horoscope app of the day lol. Only love horoscope analyses because they're 85% positive traits, it's so satisfyingly narcissistic and self-assuring.

Three hour nap in the evening means I am set for a very late night tonight in which I WILL get Mod C done, maybe chem cause tomorrow gotta do some maths in case I need Kolhagen again on Friday. Mod A has to be done too, fuck. Going back to school on Friday.

Tomorrow might reach 40 degrees. Slightly thankful for no more uniform. A little bit apprehensive that Sunday is sweltering and it drops right back down to 20 degrees for Paper 1 the next day. No complaints about working in that temperature but potentially negative pathetic fallacy...

Panic should set in tomorrow. And hopefully my polaroid will be delivered by Friday. Ready to take some not-so-happy snaps before or after each HSC exam yay.

It's a comfort to know there'll always be Hamlet to read when I give up.

Pretty good day today. Weird, but best day in a long time.

Bad mistake (again) to sleep at 3am cause of Christine but then I woke up at 7am right before my alarm, so I've officially confirmed that I'm going to survive HSC on mostly four hours sleep per night, plus occasional naps. Six hours was always the worst, cut right in the middle of a sleep cycle.

Headed off to school, it felt strange being back on the bus. My bag was filled with books omfg plus laptop. Haven't felt so burdened since Year 8, besides lipsync. Felt pretty dumb being back at school too and I just blanched when I saw these Year 10s in senior uniform IT'S JUST NOT RIGHT. Plus they're a bitchy grade, hate them. But then Lily and Erica came and it was so good seeing people sob. Recess was so weird though, walking through all the students, feeling like I didn't belong while they stared at me. I'm sorry okay, for coming back to take advantage of school resources. LOL Jess stayed in her car all of recess cause she didn't want to parade through the oval.

Christine came and not much work was done. OMG found the book of 2013 English majors. Felt so proud flipping through them :') I'm so tempted to read mine, I've literally forgotten half of what I wrote but the possibility of typos still scares me. Heh Christine's major is the first one.

Btw, just so you don't forget Christine, you pinky promised me to let me read your first draft when we get our 4u bundles back next year and vice versa. Holding you to it.

Spent third period with Kolhagen feeling dumb asking my maths question that actually seemed so straight forward when she wrote the answers that were identical to the back of the books so I don't know what was happening. Then spent a rather useless awkward half hour with HINDY OMG SO GOOD TO SEE HIM AND HEAR HIS DEADPAN VOICE. He cut his hair, so there was no mocking on my part for how long it grew in Europe. But he wasn't much help, barely kept up with Australian economics while he was in Europe and he had to use the textbook to refresh his memory. Sigh, curse Dunn.

Christine took us to Chef Noodle for lunch and we each ordered a huge plate of noodles, then felt pretty bad when a couple shared one between them LOL. God so gross, didn't end up eating dinner.

Bee's Knees to study till they closed at 5. Compiled shitty versions of my experiments and formulas for chem so at least the basic stuff is done, can edit after English is done. I love that cafe so much. Then when it closed, stayed at OB for a couple of hours doing maths and then I finally memorised Hamlet's 4th soliloquy :') Not even for exam purposes, it's just such a profound meditation, I love it.

Christine bus'd with me to penno cause the nice bus driver with the monobrow let her on without a bus pass :) And yeah, it's been a good day.

My formal dress arrived and idk if I'm in a phase of being slimmer or I measured myself when I was fatter or they got the custom size measurements wrong but the dress is slightly loose and I need to hem it but otherwise, meh, satisfied enough. Don't really care anymore.

Today was mildly productive so I feel tonight I can get a break. Early night, or at least before 1am, and then early start, ready to start/finish Mod A and C. Great.

Sleep isn't going well. Stayed up till 3am with Christine last night, but I ordered my formal shoes! So far for formal, only spent under $300. If I get a new clutch (something that can fit a polaroid sigh) then hopefully I can stay under that budget. Unless I reuse my cork one.

Today was supposed to see Mod A done and dusted but couldn't bring myself to do it as soon as I opened my file of quotes so just resorted back to fixing up Hamlet because that's the only one I really want to do well in because I love it so much and it sucks so much that it's being taken out of the new curriculum.

Caved and bought my own polaroid today so I don't need to use my sister's.

Pretty bummed that Nayomi and I can't go to Sid/Matt/Scott's 18th. All our friends are gonna be there :( But that's okay, New Caledonia. It'll be worth it.

Halfway through the play at this stage. Need to finish, then compile my list of maths and eco questions for teachers tomorrow and just pray for a productive day. And ignore seeing the Year 10s in senior uniform guh.

The only thing that's preventing full-scale panic about English is that the rest of the state has gotta do it and we're infinitely better off than most. Fingers crossed.

One week.

It's a bad omen that chem is on Day 13 of HSC because wow it is going to go really terribly. Only finished going through production of materials today and there's three modules to go. Not to mention, gotta make document for experiments and then one with every single equation we need to know because forgetting the formula for glucose kind of scared me today.

Otherwise, enjoying the sun, warmth AND DAYLIGHT SAVING YES YES FINALLY. Nothing better than looking out and seeing the last specks of sun when it's past 7pm. Even though it did shave an hour off the day. It's okay, probably wouldn't have utilised that hour efficiently anyway.

Might do my Brazil info now because can't stand going back to chem anymore and maybe look over modules before sleep... wow so scared now.

Family keep pushing me to sleep early but now that I think about it, this is going to have to be the usual week of late nights and sleep deprivation like it usually is prior to any assessments. The joy. Need to relearn how to function on four hours sleep instead of ten fml. There's four months of that waiting for me, can push through this.

Sigh, a week left from tomorrow. Still calm though. I think finally touching eco today has kind of relieved me a little, not because the papers were completed successfully but that I've actually tried. Now just chem... Doing that tomorrow, and then need to devote half the week to English. And still find Kolhagen and Hindy for help because um no idea how to fix my several mistakes.

My current form of procrastination has been making and revising my reading list in order of priority for post HSC. And I'm still deciding if I should do the November writing challenge. It's going to be a busy month with birthdays and formal and NEW CALEDONIA.

Oh yes, remembered to fill out my October calendar. Felt pretty pumped about all the colours and I just ignore the 14-30th and just focus on how FREEDOM fits perfectly in the seven squares for one week. Actually filling out November should be even better.

Early night. Got to sort out some sort of routine with my body this week and then it's back to waking at 6am for the next few weeks, kudos to all exams but English start at 9:30.

Still miss everyone. Just their presence actually.

I am proud of yesterday's work because I wrote one belonging paragraph in fifteen minutes without reading anything prior to or during writing the paragraph. Of course, that flow stopped because I have zero knowledge about my related haha but hopefully Crucible points are locked down unless they ask about relationships and family. Have no idea about Elizabeth at all.

Okay I remember why I have not properly studied, because I have no idea what to do now that all my belonging shit is spread out in front of me. Which is also why I'm blogging.

Attempts to wake up early are failing because I still can't bring myself to get into bed before midnight. Stayed up till 3am two nights ago with Anika and Christine. Then yesterday, all I did was two maths paper which is kind of scaring me because I barely leave enough time for the last question which I'm never able to do anyway so goodbye ten marks. Even forgot how to factorise...

Going to do English today. Maybe just belonging because modules require mental preparation. Plus I remembered the dilemma of related texts and the horrible possibility of being asked to only use one lol. Not even going to contemplate extension this week.

The only thing that makes mornings bearable is eating peanut butter and banana toast for breakfast. Haven't stopped eating it almost every morning since trials. Sigh, miss the solitude I had in those days.

Procrastinating, looking through Matrix archives lol. OKAY BEGINNING ESSAY NOW.

Well, Michelle, your blog just made me feel sad all over again about school. But thanks anyway, the pain of remembering is still satisfying.

Monday:
Um well I think mentally freaking out about sleeping in past 8am somehow forced my body up at 6:45, I was so disgusted when I checked the time so just dozed in and out of sleep for the next hour before forcing myself to epilate and pack and make sure I didn't forget anything, which I didn't so win (Y).

Michelle and I got to city early so we just sat in East Ocean looking like fools till Christine, Sunhee and Brandon finally came. Suffice to say, we ordered too much but it was fucking delicious before we bloated up. Derp photos as per usual. Took a few ugly photos before Michelle and I realised we were facing this asian grandpa staring at us derp HAHA. And then so full but there's always going to be space for mango pancakes okay.

Michelle left and the four of us slowly trekked it to The Star in the humidity and sun with all our bags and guh, terrible. I also got a gelato macaron which was disappointing but probably because I really don't like salted caramel anymore.

UGH stupid hotel, check-in was 3pm so we had an hour to kill so just walked a bit around Pyrmont. All the buildings look like they used to be jails. But then once we returned, they delayed check-in for another half a freaking hour, by which time Seowoo and Anorah joined us and I was just super angry because the sun was going and it wouldn't have been ideal pool conditions later :(

Room was very small but cosy, of course space became non-existent with six people and bags and their contents spilling all over the very small space. The shower door was also not very opaque lol. Anyway, quickly headed out to the pool which was already occupied by a fucking huge leb family with annoying kids and ignorant smoking luvo-ing parents. While it was warm outside, the wind plus wet skin made it feel under 20 degrees omfg it was awful.

Frantic showering and getting ready for dinner once we were back, the bathroom was a disaster, but then half the fun in getting ready is the panic.

Oh my god it was so good to see everyone once we got to the Garden Buffet I MISSED EVERYONE SO MUCH, just been avoiding acknowledging that sentiment to myself. Buffet itself was average, like every other buffet though I will commend the dessert because THERE WAS SAGO OKAY ate a whole fucking bowl of that shit myself. We were all ready to kill ourselves by the end, omfg Jenny's stomach was so cute HAHA. This waiter thought I was drunk because I was mourning to Ravie about the next Heroes of Olympus coming out right before HSC okay, I don't think I will be able to resist reading. Photos outside the restaurant before people left and now I won't see them for another twelve days lol.

Bunch of us headed down to some grassy area by the wharf and sat around drinking and chilling and I swear that a stick insect crawled onto my skirt while I was sitting on the mulch okay. Fml had to trek around for half an hour with Ahmed finding a goddamn toilet which were all closed anyway so back to the hotel lobby. I don't think I'd ever been that relieved to see a restroom sign, besides after getting off the bus at Hamlet.

Trekked back to Town Hall to send people off on their trains, leaving Tanya, Seowoo, Sunhee and Christine to return to the hotel. Guh so much for a late night, literally passed out within an hour of returning and cleaning and channel surfing and scarfing down the leftovers for yum cha (thank god for overestimating our appetites).

Tuesday:
Morning was gross, too many alarms set for no reason, too many in a bed, not enough support from those pillows bleh.

Had jaffles at Big Mouth for breakfast which was quite delicious, if quite expensive but whatever, we didn't pay for anything last night thanks to Christine's parents. Back to the hotel to listen to crappy MTV while discovering the coffee maker in our room and making lots of tea and coffee before checking out.

Wandered around the food court before deciding to leave for Darling Harbour to find lunch which took way too fucking long and in the end, just settled for cheap Thai which was pretty good. However, the wind was going nuts, was so afraid it'd blow my box of noodles away.

Idk, the whole afternoon I was just feeling incredibly homesick so I'd never been happier to get on a bus. It's probably HSC panic and being at home surrounded by work I'm not doing is somehow a comforting thought. Home and napped till dinner which I did not eat because after all that junk, no. Didn't do work either, attempted to tidy up my bedroom floor which has been cluttered since lipsync a fortnight ago. I can't even believe it's hardly been a fortnight since we were students. Bad decision to read warm and fuzzies again so I just cried.

Anyway this took longer than expected. RBA kept cash rate the same so think monetary policy is all good. And that is all. Studying must start, really freaking out now. This is my last chance to make a schedule that I will actually fucking stick to, and since I don't plan on leaving the house, maybe it will work. Maybe not, probably not but going to fucking try.

Done in less than a month. Have no idea how to feel about all this.

Happy Birthday Christine, hope it was a good one for you.