Genevieve



You forget that we are in the native land of the hypocrite.

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Friday, August 30, 2013
on

One week down. Two and a half to go.

So today was the most freaking beautiful day ever and I was in the best mood I just omfg summer please come faster. SO FUCKING LONG WINTER GOODBYE. I didn't even need a jumper this morning just walked out in the blouse and felt so comfortable UGH.

Carla wanted to avoid Friday Forum so we just walked around woolies for fifteen minutes salivating over food with which we had no money to buy.
Spent first period free with Nayomi and Christine dancing hip hop and it was getting unbelievably hot and I was sweating for the first time in ages, excluding exercise. I think I injured my back too LOL.
Sigh chem was dumb, but idec no Gamble for a week, though I am jealous of Year 9 camp. That was seriously the best, endless activities.
Annie and Elaine brought yogurt and fruit for Fun Food Friday yum, and Anika reduced me to laughing fits because in remembering her crewfatpork error, this time she said crewforkpat HAHA omfg sigh. And I couldn't stop laughing at the thought of replacing titanium with titanika in Guetta's song.
Curry congregation at lunch LOL YIKKITY YAK oh Burke. Excited that they're doing a curry dance whee, and I asked around to see who'd be interested in the Miley medley and most people said yes so hopefully it'll happen!
Free last, went home early and sat on my balcony and read in the beautiful sun.

Gina put together a rough version of the Miley songs, it sounds pretty good but We Can't Stop is inevitably super short because if we're going to be inappropriate, it probably shouldn't be prolonged. Just taught myself the Hoedown Throwdown which is surprisingly hard because so many little moves and so fast TT idek what we can do for the other songs except throw on a blonde wig for Best of Both Worlds.

I should probably be studying. Start that tomorrow. Starting easy with maths and eco. After so long, English needs to be slowly eased into.

Fucking depressed. Alone for another week till grandparents are back, and I've gotten too addicted to my freedom okay, this sucks. They won't even understand why I'll be sobbing everyday in the last week.

tbc

10:24 PM


Thursday, August 29, 2013
son

Officially just under three weeks left. Freaking. Out.

Eco first and I don't know why the catholic trial papers seem to be so much more difficult. Though it probably explains why a lot of people who come first in subjects come from private schools.
English was so unbearable, trying to do a stupid section 1 paper. Hate that sub, what kind of self respecting person incessantly talks while witnessing the obvious ignorance from her audience.
Attempted and failed math corrections in that very useful free period.
Maths was another example of how much more difficult catholic papers are.

Met Eric and Michelle at towers because today is still Eric's 18th!!! And I haven't seen Michelle since  term 1 holidays, it's been nearly half a year wow. But yeah, took an ugly Polaroid and they accompanied me to buy some creamed corn lol.

My urban outfitters stuff came whoo and everything fits :') Well, except for Elvis, that was a huge ass shirt which is as long as a dress so it'll double as my nightgown hehe. I can sleep with Elvis.

Anyway, I've been so lazy with Zumba lol, forget getting into shape. Shower and take an early night which I still haven't done, even in that week of freedom. Always crawled into bed at midnight.

k

10:10 PM


Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Grin

Week has gone by. I feel completely incapable of crying and I'll be pretty sad if I never do.

UGH have a sub for English for the rest of the week. However, she's totally ignorant to the class' ignorance towards her so she just prattled on and we got away with doing whatever we wanted. 
Attempted exam corrections in maths. Kolhagen gave us chocolates which really came in handy when Elaine told us that Winch is marking ext creatives, or just textual fucking dynamics. As if they weren't bad enough, now I'm literally going to get 10/25 for it. God I was so flustered I must have teared up from devastation. 
Got eco back which was surprisingly okay. Particularly the essays lol what was Dunn even thinking. But it goes to show length doesn't matter, particularly for eco which is a relief, as long as there are heaps of stats. 
Hip hop and then spent last period free doing half my corrections. The second half left to be done are in the last two questions loooool, those did not go very well. 

Quickly loaded PLL and watched while frantically eating and dressing and wtf I don't even know what just happened HOW COULD THEY DO THIS?!?! But there wasn't time to mourn anyway, had to run out for the bus and then I ended up arriving at 5:30 which was way too early. But in hindsight, it was good to see every artwork before the place got super packed. 

Somehow just seeing people's work before wasn't as impressive as tonight, not sure how, maybe it was the mob mentality with everyone gushing over everything. But yes, very proud of our grade. 

It was hard not to be lulled to sleepiness during music showcase because that's what classical music does, which is not to say it wasn't enjoyable to listen to. Except MRS Lane kept eyeballing us, it was so creepy. 

The end of tonight feels like the end of school. VA was the last internal thing that mattered. It's sad how pointless these last weeks are. 


11:23 PM


Tuesday, August 27, 2013
prick

It's pretty weird to say that today was a good day but it was. And maybe it was partly accredited to getting three results back HAHA.

Chem first and I'm just surprised that I didn't fail shipwrecks too hard, except for the half cells of course, which is beyond my capability to understand or rote learn. Plus it made my shitty aim AND set such a low standard that the only mentality left is that things can only get better. And they did.
English was a pleasant surprise, considering we entered and left the exams feeling horrified but my marks were above average and I guess I did well in the ones I expected, so I guess at least no bad surprises. Better than my goal of 65%, actually scrapped an A. And I suspect Palgan marked very easy for short answer, was literally expecting a single digit mark.
Maths was more disappointing but still, will not complain. Haven't had the chance to go through errors so can't decide if they were because I didn't actually understand or just carelessness. Of course there always has to be one error where I accidentally write down the wrong sign.
Last period attempting to help Nayomi around VA. Painted these black pillar boxes, legit the first time I've painted in years. Sigh, envious of people who can absentmindedly paint and draw etc, it'd be such a more enjoyable and relaxing hobby as opposed to trying to write.

Nayomi, Tanya and Eric crashed my place and I should probably wash my bed sheets LOL. Booked Eric's dinner yay, now just gotta find something to wear for Saturday and still decide if there's a point going to open day.

God getting eco back tomorrow. Eco and 3u. Worst till last.

11:59 PM


Monday, August 26, 2013
watch

First day back after what has felt like a month, which it technically has been since we attended a class but just being back on the grounds was nice again after a week without it. Even though I didn't sleep till 2am cause I was on the phone with Anika and it was so bright when I woke up, I was convinced I'd slept in.

Ended up skipping first period chem cause Christine is still in QLD and lol she won't be here for it first again tomorrow but since I wanna see where all my mistakes were, gonna have to face the humiliation alone. Oh yes, we got results. It is AMAZING how quick it's been, and Michelle and I made the possibly old-to-others revelation that the trial exams were chronologically placed in order of how many people did each subject i.e. more than half the grade do English maths and chem so those were first which required extra time to mark. So I guess Burley's sadism is no longer an argument. But I spent it outside the cottage reading Shriver in the sun.
Ditto second free in the library, but only after I attempted three pages of a maths trial I impulse printed and failed so yeah. Found Winch since we both have nothing to do in this free without mentor now. Apparently they start marking 4u on Wednesday and will most likely finish within a month. WHY LEAVE US IN SUSPENSE? And why do we get our stuff so freaking late TT
UGH EXTENSION WAS SO STUPID. I am not fucking wasting my fortnight here uhhhh doing some stupid task to PROVE that I understand textual dynamics. The whole point of the fucking module is that you can't make any more sense out of it than you can out of life because nothing means anything. Why aren't we just getting forced to do essays... Well Anika, Jess and I ended up playing hangman anyway.
Back in library last period reading. Gonna skip chem in another fortnight, I love this singe period day.

Got driven back to Towers by Michelle and we engaged in a very dangerous purchase. And it was just such a beautiful day, I would wear socks if all my socks weren't dead.

The rest of the evening was spent agonising through the last hundred pages of Kevin which was just so chilling and once I'd finally finished, I was mentally and physically immobilised for half an hour, trying to make up my mind about what just happened. Best book I've read in ages, which doesn't amount to much considering all I've read in the past six months are set texs and Woolf. This was refreshing.

Anyway, was gonna try brainstorm the stupid ext task but cbf, gonna start another book and sleep.

So ready to get English, maths and chem tomorrow. And then Eco the next day because uh, Dunn is a mutant and finishing society which was examined five days ago so it's safe to assume she was long done with eco.

And all the while, I keep reminding myself that it's nearly done. Twenty three days.


11:13 PM


Sunday, August 25, 2013
after

Last day of freedom. I'm gonna miss it, but it might be worth giving up for some social interaction.

Today was a good day. Nothing is more joyful than the transition OUT of winter and finally walking outside in a singlet and hole-y cardigan without feeling cold. Granted I spent the majority of the afternoon walking around towers but walking back home put me in a fantastic mood.

Finally got just past half of Shriver and it is making me question children. It sounds like I could potentially influence the creation of a Kevin. And if I didn't feel apathetic enough towards children before, well the thought of any child makes me shudder. Obviously not cut out to be a mum.

I thought it was about time to fill in the dates for my September calendar. However, that was all I was capable of doing. Writing in things like lip sync and graduation and whatever else will just freak me out, making the reality of graduating too real. So I'll just leave it blank. Going back to school feels too unreal after three weeks, which means I've probably already accommodated myself with the feeling of no school. Not that it will help as much.

UGH gotta decide between getting a new computer or iPad since both existing ones will be taken from me once my grandparents are back. Maybe I'll slowly save up for an iPad myself but if I get a new computer, it'd be for uni too. And as much as I love normal hp PC it is too bulky to carry back and forth but okay I cannot fathom Apple's lack of a right click okay why the fuck do you have to be different? But it's light, that's the only benefit, and a big one at that considering how much I'll have to be travelling with it. Dilemma.

Doubt I'll get an early night tonight. It's still too difficult to fall asleep before midnight.

8:29 PM


Saturday, August 24, 2013
nyeh

It was such a beautiful day today, great way to welcome my dad back. Thankfully it'll last for most of the week. And my morning was made better because my dad found this anthology of stories collected by Eugenides, it's so beautiful :') And he bought me some weird yogurt rose moisturiser that smells good.

Went out to yum cha and nearly threw up from eating so much, but oh, how I crave for a mango pancake right now.

Spent the rest of my dad reading and I'm slowly getting to the halfway point of We Need to Talk About Kevin which is pretty brilliant. However it saddens me that I need a dictionary by my side as I read because lol some pretty complicated words in there. But it can be seen as an opportunity to expand my vocabulary. I want to finish it within the next week so I can make my peace with it and resume the horrible task of reading school texts.

Every time I think of Mission Impossible, I recall Anika's inability to sing the theme song in Year 8 music. Good times. Jesus Christ, Tom Cruise is so ridiculously handsome. He's ageing very well.


11:26 PM


Friday, August 23, 2013
stay safe

Trials have finally ended in their entirety. I'm still excited to go back to school. In fact, went back there today. Was hesitant about going to see Dr Turner but Nayomi and all the VA kids were though so why not. It was mufti again so I thankfully did not look out of place at lunch. But I felt out of place as usual in the VA block, because manipulating words is somehow not as substantial as paint and photos and designs. Helped around with whatever needed help idk, because Turner was busy as usual. And then I only went to see him for a few minutes.

Also bumped into Motherwell who said that we'll be getting advanced marks on Tuesday. Oh the joy. And Lane said they pretty much finished chem except for a catch up exam so we'll be getting that next week too, presumably along with maths and maybe even Eco, because Dunn is capable of marking that many papers that quickly on her own. Thank god ext won't come too soon, can't handle that much bad news.

Wow the bus Nayomi and I took home was one of those ancient ones they drove in Year 7 when there werent stop buttons and you had to pull this wire to alert the driver. It was like a novelty bus!

Moped around at home but then I had to go to my proper home because my mum is sick. Just when my dad is coming back tomorrow. Perfect timing. Just let me go back to school. My sister is at her school sleepover. I don't get it, Baulko is co-ed and why can't a single sex school like ours have a sleepover?!

Fuck work, going to spend the remainder of my time reading. Real life resumes on Monday, except since Christine won't get back from QLD till Tuesday, guess I'll be skipping chem first period. It'll be a single period day :)


10:25 PM


Thursday, August 22, 2013
you you you you

Cold is mostly gone, but it was so cold today, why does wind exist.

Met up with Christine at noon after Nayomi cancelled on us for VA. In hindsight, grateful that this week didn't have to be spent on any majors, even though I've been bored like crazy. Anyway, we were the only customers at the African restaurant which was nice except that Christine probably spoke too loudly. Food was delicious mmm. Then we spent a good hour in this amazing secondhand book shop that had almost every book I could dream of for maximum price of $5 okay and the owner was this sweet Irish/Scottish man. Yeah, got too many so I had to run over to Stockland to withdraw money and then YEAH gotta stop buying books when there's no time to read.

Chilled at my place watching She's the Man because it somehow doesn't stop being funny. And it was nice seeing a meeker shyer Channing Tatum, he's way over his head now. I blame Magic Mike.

Michelle came over and we went for dinner at GPK! There was this table of kids who all had maniacal laughs, it was disturbing our meal! Then we got some dessert at Baskin Robbins and headed home.

Might seriously try some work tomorrow. Christine goes to Gold Coast so that'll hopefully mean some alone time LOL and maybe try a maths paper to see if my brain has completely wiped away required knowledge. Otherwise I'll just spend the day reading. In the middle of 10-15 books right now, I'm finding it difficult to stick to reading just one. Gets too tedious.

My tolerance must be fucking top notch right now if those goddamn kids living above me have not had their heads cracked open by my hands because holy mother of fuck WHO LETS THEIR FUCKING CHILDREN BOUNCE BALLS AND ROLL FUCKING TOY CARS ALONG TIMBER FLOORS WHEN YOU'RE NOT ON THE FUCKING GROUND FLOOR? WHY CAN'T YOU JUST FALL OFF THE BALCONY AND KILL YOURSELF.

Hope this cures two minutes of boredom, Anika.

9:22 PM


Wednesday, August 21, 2013
weow

So I did NOT do maths today, who was I even kidding... So fucking sick right now, this stupid cold is driving my nose crazy. So many germs scattered all over my house, Christine and Nayomi will be safer from infection on the floor.

Spent the day on the couch watching PLL and Bringing Up Baby. Going to watch Princess Diaries tomorrow. I think it's nearing a year since I last saw it which is way too long. Reminds me of better times.

Nose cleared up a bit after zumba but there's that horrible pressure feeling instead.

Yesterday, got a disgusting paper cut while sorting eco. The paper went under the cuticle bed at the base of the nail it was so gross, but it's healed now. However, I was unaware that antiseptic cream disintegrated nail  polish so now half of one of my nails is polish-less. After all that time that was spent painting my nails :(

My sister found this awesome app that actually lets you use Office for free from Dropbox files and I'm pretty annoyed that this wasn't discovered any earlier because uh... could've done 4u on the bus or something on my iPad?! And it pains me to admit but I think I'll be buying my own iPad once my grandparents return in a few weeks. It's somehow less painstaking to browse the internet than turning on the computer and all, sick of the computer and keyboards.

Anyway, excited for tomorrow! This freedom is legitimately so boring because cbf going out, there's nothing to do, and idk. A lot of post-HSC is gonna be spent in bored contemplation. Will retract these thoughts next week but at least school occupies a chunk of day that I would otherwise be wasting, just sitting somewhere, thinking, when instead, could be interacting with the people I'll never see again.

lo

10:47 PM


Tuesday, August 20, 2013
righteous

Finally cleaned the house today! Every folder is bulging, so not ready to revisit everything. But the floor is finally clean, finally got to vacuum! Just in time for Eric to come over, except we ended up just browsing around towers. Spent a loooooong time deciding on dinner. Then we just settled on noodles from Lok Lok which was satisfactory.

Mm took a nice bath. I hate sweating in it though because the water is so hot.

Almost finished Just Like Heaven, it's one of those annual TV movies that's like tradition to watch, I love it so much. Carla and I are supposed to commentate but poor girl still has exams. OMG SHE'S ABOUT TO REMEMBER HIM. When they touch hands to exchange the spare key, so romantic :') AND SHE REMEMBERS. Now kiss. Sob, Mark Ruffalo was so handsome here.

Sleep. Will do some maths tomorrow.

11:57 PM


Monday, August 19, 2013
seeing

Rather useless day. Did not tidy up my sheets nor begin planning future study as I intended. Instead, spent the whole day on YouTube. I'm getting worried about my usage. And reading, of course. I'll start rereading school texts once school restarts. I miss the grounds, I wanna sit on the oval. Not keen about class though. Only maths sounds okay, getting tests etc but omfg English is gonna just be essays and short answers over and over. And I really will probably skip chem.

Zumba'd for the first time in almost a month, but only did my shorter disk lol, baby steps.

God I die every time I watch Troy. Not for Orlando Bloom, he's such a pussy in the film (until he passionately kisses Helen) but o m f g Brad Pitt just give me a minute to breathe after watching him kiss Briseis okay holy crap his tongue and butt, how do you find someone finer than Brad Pitt? Though Eric Bana rivals him for physique mmm. God they're so beautiful when they're trying to kill each other.

Alright must clean tomorrow.

Want sleep but the movie won't end for another hour.

11:44 PM


Sunday, August 18, 2013
warp

Mm good day. Spent the morning internet shopping and the rest of the day trying to narrow down the amount of items to a reasonable cost. O M F G found this shirt with a picture of Elvis shaving in men's size like, XXL but idc he's fucking gorgeous on it so I'm going to get it anyway. Wear it as a nightshirt or chop it up.

The rest of the afternoon was spent on my balcony, reading until the sun went down which was very relaxing, I've missed reading, and being able to stay conscious while reading.

Sigh, intended to resume zumba tonight but sooo full sigh, need to get back into shape!

Cool change this week, how freaking inconvenient.

9:21 PM


Saturday, August 17, 2013
I don't wanna miss a day

Ah, just enjoying my post trials. What depressed me though is that I slept in... till 9am sigh. Felt pretty disappointed when I saw the time, so just lazed around in bed till about noon on Youtube. My body sucks. Trials have been the only exam period where I haven't been sick. Probably because my body was really fighting against the stress, which is probably why I didn't have any real meltdowns. But now there's no stress and my immune system is obviously taking a break and I'm feeling sick.

It was such a beautiful day today. Almost summery atmosphere.

Rest of the afternoon was spent cleaning the kitchen and bathroom, because I've neglected cleaning for about three weeks. Can't vacuum yet because of the sheets piling on my floor which I'm gonna have to sort out tomorrow.

Because I owe my hands, after putting it through all that writing and cleaning and cold and water etc etc etc, spent nearly two hours pampering them LOL. The olive oil soak does work wonders, until you wash your hands again. And then omg, finally did my nails for the first time in weeks, it was so relaxing. There's something therapeutic about it, despite the smell of acetone. Finally caught up on PLL as well, idek what's going on and I just remembered TVD supposedly came out yesterday. Should probably check that out.

God, movies like Armageddon make me so tense even when I already know the end. Bruce Willis is so fine. But I'm only watching so Aerosmith at the end will seem more sad after watching him die. UGH I HATE THE SUSPENSE. This is so sad. Crying.

OKAY AEROSMITH AND SLEEP.

11:32 PM


Friday, August 16, 2013
curmudgeon

DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE. FUCKING. DONE.

It was sad and joyful handing in 4u. Last time us 19 people will gather together with Drayton. No more reason to harass Drayton wow. Actually, penultimate last time, we'll have the meeting to promote ext 2 to the Year 11s yay.

Anyway just did a lot of whiteing-out and freaking out to make sure the bound copies were all perfect. God I just can't deal with the possibility of more errors. So much pride when I held those bound copies LOL. It's been such a huge process and huge achievement and we all deserve to feel proud okay, ONE UNIT DOWN! Got my photos with my babies :')

Anyway wasted the rest of the day, literally. So not fucking bothered with 3u which I don't regret in hindsight. Exam was shit anyway. Essay was bad, creative was worse so I wasted an hour earlier writing up a third of a potential idea and fucking illumination wtf was that. The whole paper was literally just improvisation, I'm expecting nothing.

FINISHED. Such an incredible feeling. Just the fact that it was 4pm was a downer cause the school grounds are empty and darkening which is always a foreboding feeling.

Anyway, had West Ryde Thai with Christine, Sunny and Tanya and then went to Rhodes for dessert and now I'm home, wallowing in this mess of sheets that must be tidied soon sigh.

My relief is just indescribable. This is beautiful. Wow I actually think Christine and I are the first to finish omfg so amazing, despite the past fortnight of horror. I actually think that since the Monday before Paper 1, if I try to total up my sleep from then, if we average about four hours a day... Idek.

Had some naps but they didn't make me feel any better.

A week of freedom, but I am not letting myself relax past Monday. Going to sleep as much as possible over the weekend but then seriously, gonna crack myself down and start prepping HSC prep because there is no way I'm letting it be like trials. No fucking way, this was so horrible, and it could have been so much worse except that I was kind of numbing myself to the panic.

Anyway, shower and sleep. Maybe YouTube, then tomorrow will be catching up with tv shows and reading in bed allllllll day. Then I'll return to school one day next week for a picnic on the oval hehe.


9:02 PM


Thursday, August 15, 2013
Done done done

So close, freedom is so close. 

Sooooo it was a stressful morning. Spent the bus and train rides editing my printed version and thank god I did because I found a few pages with corrections that were required so I had to rush and print all those pages again. 

And then wasted the whole day walking around school and napping in the cottage and then napping at home and having a meltdown when I woke up. 


11:59 PM


this race is won

Done. Printed, sorted, idek but done. But considering I'm half conscious, I'm willing to bet there's at least one error. Made so many back up pages for structure which I'm going to get Winch to help me decide on tomorrow.

Sigh, wasted so much paper. Then again, it's preferable to the stress of printing at school.

Now to bs my last journal entry and done with 4u forever.

3:22 AM


Wednesday, August 14, 2013
labour

Wow, this will be the last blog post where I complain about 4u. Most probably will continue to do so after it's been handed in, but that's a different story. Next post will announce its completion. I need a fucking title, I can't deal with my current one.

But anyway, last night was torturous. Stayed up past 3 forcing myself to fix up and rewrite the last few bits. Jesus Christ, my head felt like splitting when I woke up because I had to see Winch first period. However, she was pleased and only made few corrections so that was a relief.

Spent the rest of the day cooped up in the library, editing story and reflection and bibliography ugh. I finally got my first fucking line, god that was torturous to come up with. UGH I don't want to hand this in, not ready to part with it.

But it was a beautiful day. Seriously feeling like summer, I hope it stays this nice until the end of term. Wouldn't it just be shitty if it was raining or something on graduation day.

I am going to stab my mum for her fucking pedantic grammatical corrections okay HOW IS THIS HAPPENING WHY CAN'T WINCH AND DRAYTON SEE ANYTHING WRONG FUCKING HELL.

Fucking hell, I wanted to finish by now. Because of this fucking title it is not going to happen until well into the morning because TITLES JUST RUIN EVERYTHING. Lol guess not even gonna try to a 3u creative. I think I completely give up after tomorrow. Since I did well for the past two ext assessments, completely failing this one should still let me remain in the top 50% of rankings lol. Even though that was my only single digit rank besides 4u. Whatever, no energy left, all those fucks died after eco finished.

So still need last minute grammatical corrections, title, restructuring the spaces, title page, fix fotnotes

Aim: finish at midnight. Print. Sleep. I need to fucking sleep.


9:24 PM


Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Delaying writing. Super pissed off right now. Obviously I don't mean it when I continually ask for some negative feedback and criticism. Or maybe there's something not cool about taking it from my mum when all these teachers have never had anything to say. What a joke it'll be if my reflection statement goes better than my major, which is very possible right now.

At this rate, my edit won't be done till mid-morning. Idek how I'm supposed to get to school on time. Tonight might be the proper all-nighter.

Can't even fucking relax wtf is 3u doing fucking hell.

It'd better be a beautiful fucking day tomorrow.

11:37 PM


so

Sob, can't deal with no internet I MUST BLOG.

Yesterday was eco haha. Went delirious with Anika and Christine at our zero knowledge and sigh, slept at 3am. Now I know why I'm breaking out, how did it not occur to me earlier?

Morning was just as bad, couldn't stop laughing, choking on my banana. The exam, considering how little we didn't know and how little micro there was, was not hideous. That's not to say I passed, but the questions were mostly manageable. And then Winch gave me good feedback for my reflection so at least that means I didn't waste the weekend for nothing. Such a relief.

The wind was mega crazy that day.

Anyway, got home and had a delicious nap. Then stayed up till 5am with Christine, doing our 4u as usual. Must say, we got a considerable amount done. All the editing of existing bits of my story are done, it's just the things I need to add which I'm worried about because I'm pretty much at my word count for story and reflection, which is 1499 lol.

SIGH lots to do today. Day is half gone. Foreseeing another late night. This needs to be done by tomorrow morning so I can see Winch at school and just edit mine and Christine's in the library all day.

I'm going to miss this so much. There'll be nothing to resort to doing in my frees omfg this is depressing. Means I'll actually have to do work...

Okay work.

3:03 PM


Sunday, August 11, 2013
the unexamined life

Finished my reflection statement before 11pm and sent it. STILL NO FEEDBACK FROM WINCH, I'M SO FURIOUS HOW DARE SHE NOT CHECK HER EMAIL. If I don't have feedback tomorrow, I'm gonna conclude it's her fault and not mine because she technically had this whole day to look at it. Teachers have the obligation to continually check their emails because there are always Year 12s to attend to!

Anyway, today has been so ceebs. Don't care about eco, can't care about it. Not with English extensions looming. And also the huge amount I don't know for eco okay, what is microeconomics idk either. And uhm, Dunn will probably give someone a zero for an essay and not even lose sleep about our anguish. So aim is to do relatively okay for a monetary essay, since that's all I've done. Budget is hopeless too.

GOD I swear tomorrow will be quite the relief when eco is done because then we can wholly devote thoughts and time to English and not suffer constant thoughts about them while we're doing other subjects.

All nighters, so ready for you. Probably one tomorrow, rest on Tuesday night as preparation for Wednesday night/Thursday morning. Hand in, nap and then ready for 3u haha.

2am is my latest. 4 hours sleep will hopefully be adequate.

Wishing only wounds the heart.


10:17 PM


Saturday, August 10, 2013
Jesus, Mary, Muhammad and Vishnu!

English is driving me crazy. I stayed up till 5am last night and all I wrote was 600 pathetic words of my reflection. Investigation is bullshit.

This morning, with a measly attempt to be productive, I read my 3u essay tacked to my shower while I washed my hair and just wondered how on earth I was going to remember anything. It was alright last assessment because even though I didn't finish writing the essay till like, two days before the exam, writing aided the understanding. Now this is going to be purely a test of memory because I cannot remember anything we've studied, it's been so long. Plus haven't read FLW or Middlesex haha. Wikipedia (Y)

The rest of the day has, to no surprise and no avail, also been spent up till now doing this fucking reflection and I am in the target range for the word count but I am missing sooo much that I want to just explain in my reflection to help my major but none of it has relevance to research SO FUCKING HELL I HATE THIS THING SO MUCH.

Have not even touched eco okay and after this, safe to say that I never want to think about my 4u after it's handed in. God, will have so much more time on my hands.

I will finish reflection by 11, without a care of how bad it is. Winch can butcher it all she wants. Some negative CONSTRUCTIVE feedback would be a nice change from her insistence of how much she likes my story.

Eco for the entirety of tomorrow loooool so afraid. Why did we even question whether chem or eco was harder? DEFINITELY ECO. Chem is simply memory.

It's over in six days. Powering on.

9:18 PM


Friday, August 9, 2013
ordinary

What an awful week it's been. Trials are half done but the worst is yet to come.

So I stayed up till 2am doing chem last night and that was excluding shipwrecks. Didn't have the energy for it and I was already freaking out pretty hard for the first three modules that I barely remembered. So this morning was spent frantically cramming which was ultimately futile in the end.

God three hours was too long, it took a lot of willpower to not just put my head down and go to sleep. Exam was bullshit and the only reassuring thing is that everybody actually felt that way. I've decided my goal for chem is not to rank last and, after the last two assessments, avoid bottom twenty. I also think it is bullshit that I probably answered the shipwrecks part better than the rest lol. It was just horrible.

Motherwell told me she's marking Mod A so I have deduced that because Winch has already marked ext and Mod C, her job will probably be Hamlet or belonging and I pray to fucking lord that it's belonging because the kindest marker will be giving me a low B for Hamlet. If its Winch, suffice to say I'm completely dead.

Anyway rewarded myself with some books and attempted to make a start on Catch-22. Actually got through the first two chapters before falling asleep. Essentially didn't begin work till 9 and all that's involved is reading because, till now, I cannot write my fucking reflection and I swear to god I will stay up all night if I have to because Winch needs this ASAP so I can hopefully lament to her on Monday after the horror that will be eco. Girding myself to fail that, Dunn will be merciless.

As for ext, if I just don't think about it, then maybe I will get through this week of all nighters.

NTS: never write about 1920s London ever again. Context is bullshit.

But then you read works set in Sydney along train lines and shit and you realise you can't possibly write anything good from that either.

Maybe power nap now and then all nighter.

11:41 PM


Thursday, August 8, 2013
pernickety

Ugh. So today was maths, and I am not going to complain about anything besides how irritating it is to fill in those stupid answer booklets over and over okay, it really shaves off precious seconds, particularly for English, and minutes for maths.

Maths was not hideous, but not good at all. So yes. But I know that it will have been the only good exam because things are going to just keep going downhill.

Another thing: three hours is too fucking long. I just gave in and went to pee in the last half hour, it was unbearable. And I probably had two mouthfuls of water at the beginning of the exam. Nervousness somehow squeezes out random liquid from my body lol.

Anyway, realised how miserably dead I am for chem. Might cry later tonight. There's such a huge range of questions we can be asked and such a huge amount that I cannot remember.

Oh my fucking god I haven't even finished eco notes.

And 4u.

And 3u.

Can't do this anymore.

cut

8:10 PM


Wednesday, August 7, 2013
no

So the worst is still not over yet.

Today was death. Stayed up till nearly 1am attempting to recite Hamlet with Christine but idk we just ended up laughing about how screwed we were. My attempt to wake at 5am also failed. And yeah just had no energy in me to freak out anymore.

Two hours actually passed so fucking slowly. My heart already dropped once I saw the Mod A question through the paper. The sight of 'humanity' just made me give up already. In hindsight, the questions were pretty straightforward. Began with Mod C cause it was the only one I refused to fail. Then Mod A was stupid, just regurgitated old essay cause I didn't get the question and Hamlet was literally death, I had about two techniques. Just wanted to put my head down and sleep. My forearm was going red, it ached so much.

Anyway got home and napped for a good three hours. I probably could've gone through the night if my phone hasn't rang.

So I just failed a maths paper again. And seriously there's only so much left we can do throughout he night because it takes so long to revise maths. Plus gotta shower. UGH. Not bothered with the rest of the week because chem is inevitably going to suck anyway.


9:06 PM


Tuesday, August 6, 2013
beans

Ha. Trials started.

And to be honest, IN RETROSPECT, Paper 1 was almost a dream and I am only saying this because I have pretty much given up hope for Paper 2. Mentally slapping myself for ever thinking this would be better.

But besides the short answers, which were ridiculously long and difficult, the essay question was pretty much advocating belonging to place and self and I was almost having fun with the creative at the end cause the worst was over. However, I did waste a good five minutes writing up a paragraph that I was supposed to ignore if it was two related. Only realised halfway through, I'm sure it looks super bad crossed out on my paper.

Dropped Nayomi at her house. Her mum seems just like her LOL.

Now I am majorly freaking out because the range of questions we could be asked, mainly for Mod A and B, is ridiculous and they're the worst LOL so going to devote most of my time to memorising Mod C, remembering soliloquies and accepting utter failure for Mod A because I hate Weldon with a passion.

RBA cut cash rate again. No more online shopping anymore.

Why am I not stressed...........

My mind is here o'erthrown.

8:13 PM


Monday, August 5, 2013
sell it

Fuck it all. I am going to go to bed after this. It's amazing how little panic I feel.

Feeling stupid because you know, after finally finishing my belonging notes and points etc at 6, it didn't really occur to me that memorising would be a whole other problem and I've realised that too late and it just doesn't matter anymore. Deluding myself by saying you can't memorise anyway cause I bet it's gonna be a really gross question or they might even make it another text type as practice, just in case HSC does it. Wouldn't mind that to be honest, at least everyone has an equal chance of screwing it up.

As for the creative, well I remember doing okay for random creative tasks before. Maybe it won't be too bad. Hopefully the grueling process of writing bits of 4u will bring up my quality over quantity because after short answers and essays, I'm going to have half an hour remaining at best.

I just refuse to not do well for 4u. After this week, whole weekend is going to 4u, I cannot care about eco and 3u... well I've managed to memorise essays within a day, if I write things out about seven times. Besides, they're old essays so maybe (hopefully) I've retained some bits of information.

OTHERWISE NOTHING MATTERS. I might even go in and out of the exam smiling. Laughing.

The week of freedom awaiting is getting me through this. Have not exercised for a fortnight (and for another fortnight to come) and I am eating anything edible just to pass some time. Plus extra sitting is also expanding my ass. Just want to zumba.

Good luck, to nobody in particular.

11:57 PM


Sunday, August 4, 2013
sob-sodden

Can't write, must blog.

TONIGHT CAN'T BE WASTED DESPITE MY SITTING HERE VOMITING OUT MY PANIC. I will literally not touch Hamlet because going to pray my notes from last assessments are satisfactory enough because I think I went over the play relatively thoroughly back then.

Note: assessments were two months ago. HSC in two months. Wat.

Stayed up till 4am last night, and I doubt it was anything productive. Actually, got halfway through shipwrecks so I will finish that tonight and I'm angry that I am probably less screwed for shipwrecks than for production of materials lol.

Doubting my ability to stay up tonight but I must have finished advanced. This Mod C related is killing me. Christine and I wasted three hours watching shorts to see if anything worked and nope. Except we found this brilliantly dynamic one, I nearly cried because it was so amazing. Also gotta flesh out belonging because I actually can't write about it, and writing theses to the past HSC questions don't help because they're so fucking specific omfg if we don't focus on belonging to self, I don't know what we'll do.

And then there's Mod A for which I have accepted my inevitable and utter failure.

Maths papers make me sad.

Tonight, some reflection must be done because Winch is going to stress me out and the whole thing is due in ten days and I still have to go back to edit and legitimately cannot deal with English anymore. Scheduling the final all-nighter next Wednesday before we hand in our majors on Thursday. Lots of tears will be shed, of relief and hatred and regret. Lol such a loser.

Considering that I've done perfectly mediocre for eco so far, I am going to allow myself to fail the trial because I know there's no way I can prepare on time, not when everything else has to be balanced and I know I'll neglect it for 3u and 4u anyway. I don't even think the first week will be the worst really...

Just going to eat to stay awake.

9:00 PM


Saturday, August 3, 2013
I like, I don't like

So tired, I seriously miss my ability to deny myself sleep okay, not supposed to be sleepy so early. But if I get past midnight, I should be good till about 2am which is what I plan to do. I mean, I've been giving up early and just sleeping at midnight but omfg too much to do.

Bright side about returning to school: sort of picked up my ability to wake up early, especially on weekends. Before 8am (Y)

I did a maths paper this morning. It was so depressing. The second half of the paper was bullshit, and I think that before I've actually done a paper, I've completely underestimated how much weighting 20 marks is and I pretty much failed all of the prelim that was in the paper so whoo. And the money series stuff omfg. So that was a good start to the day.

Otherwise, spent the rest of the day sorting out Mod A points and quotes which took legitimately from noon till now because I just hate that module and making connections is damn hard. Should get back to belonging because I just don't get my related texts and my speech ones obviously didn't cut it. And I don't even Mod C, hoping I can still pull off two of Plath's diary entries as two texts loool. Somehow, my advanced hope rests on Hamlet. What a sick joke.

Alright, going to attempt some more shipwrecks, nap, shower and then power through something. My fucking reflection maybe, since Winch expects it on Monday. Sorry, but next two days have to be wholly devoted to English :( I've felt less and less of a point writing essays, so maybe I'll just try write theses and topic sentences. Our hands will not be prepared for the shock on Tuesday.

SIGH okay thankful for the study day on Monday. I'd rather pass English than chem.

10:59 PM


Friday, August 2, 2013
you you you

Going to die. Trials in three days. Week 3 is done. School is finished.

Last mufti day today, I'm guessing, for Jeans for Genes. It was a big shock seeing Drayton in jeans as opposed to her usual flowing skirts and dresses. She gave me good feedback for 4u so that's good, even though she just freaked me out more by stressing the importance of the reflection. I fucking know. Bright side, think I am set for prelim quadratics lol.
Yum, Nayoms and I got to the cake stall early and got some delicious cupcakes with delicious frosting.
Uhm, literally listened to Treasure twenty times in chem while progressing pretty much nowhere for shipwrecks. Except I think I now know the first dot point lol, very useful. It'll guarantee me a few marks.
Out of all possible days in the past few weeks, Dunn was away TODAY and we obviously couldn't go through the past trial answers. Had Burke, which is preferable to any other sub but seriously Ms Dunn, omfg. Gave up on eco almost immediately after we got the 'bible' of past HSC and trials, because there were no answers and the questions were so hard, Pat and I just stopped after failing to answer the first seven. So moved onto 4u, as you do.

Too out of it to do anything. Meltdown came right on schedule and it's not even about trials. That'll come on Sunday. Right now, I'm still too fucking anxious about leaving school and I will spit on the next person who wishes it to be over because uni is going to be just as fucking miserable. And life.

Not sleeping tonight, because I don't deserve to.


9:15 PM


baby squirrel

Apparently, I am giving fewer fucks the closer trials approaches. The evening was spent on Youtube and that was about it. I attempted eco but that was sad, couldn't ignore my textbook for answers.

And I missed my deadline but this is for the 1st of August okay, I still remember the night of NYE what is going on why is it already seven months later omfg. However, because I assume you actually read these, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUK you disgusting whore. It's endearing, in case you didn't get that.

Finished the course in eco. Still tossing up whether eco or chem is worse. I know less for chem but I know Dunn will enjoy fucking us over with ridiculously difficult questions sooo... Just let me pass English lol.
Watched Hamlet in the library. It really is hard to portray Hamlet without seeming like a pretentious madman.
Yummm I got takoyaki for the first time in so long, it probably wasn't worth it, but the new guys are sooo nice. So much better than the blond douche and the pube-beard man. Oh and Nayomi finally came to school after three days. Been too long.
Kolhagen gave us chocolate but it didn't make me feel any better about maths. Nor did half the hazelnut wafers Suk gave me.

SOOOOOOO it's too late to even bother writing so I'm going to sit up in bed and read Letters to Alice aloud, because otherwise my eyes will just shut on that book forever.

12:37 AM